We had our son on April 15th, 2013. Amy was on maternity leave for 3 months, and I took a week off. There are some other little milestones and challenges along the way which, I'm sure, will come out at some point, but nothing compared to the bomb that would drop in June.
I lost my job. The rush of thoughts began to flood as my heart was pumping with adrenaline in the car. I was supposed to be the Man of the house! I was supposed to be providing for a 2 month old baby! I'm supposed to be the perfect guy who gives my wife her dream of staying at home and raising kids (and cooking and cleaning and the whole 1950's thing), which was also my dream for my son and future kids... the world just threw the metaphorical stick into the spoke of our bicycle of life. Damn it.
I'm not usually a 'panic' guy... I'm pretty level-headed, don't lose my cool, get mad, frustrated, etc. I'm a pretty energetic, positive, and optimistic person. My wife hates it sometimes, because it can be perceived as if I've lost touch with reality because I'm not as worried/angry/upset as she is, which is the "correct" amount of emotion... in her mind :)
This time, I was pretty pissed off, and had my own anxiety, but add in the anxiety knowing how exponential my wife's emotions will be when she finds out. I was more disappointed that I let her down than anything. How do I break the news?! It was 1pm on a day that I was supposed to be working until 8pm. I thought about not telling her for a couple days so that I could get my sh*t together first. As I sat in the car of my ex-company's parking lot, I started to devise a master plan of how to inform my wife, but fix everything at the same time. I'll put together financial spreadsheets, I'll have the new job lined up in a week or so, I'll have everything mapped out with a powerpoint presentation, and she'll have nothing to worry about. Then I realized that I wasn't in a Ben Stiller comedy movie, and I just needed to be honest with my wife. I wasn't afraid of Amy, but I didn't want to be the cause of more pain, stress, and pressure on her.
I let out the loudest F-bomb ever, punched the steering wheel simultaneously, and then let out a deep breath. I called my wife. In most cases, when I'm NOT upset, I have to sound disappointed to my wife; if she doesn't think that I'm feeling the appropriate amount of heat for whatever mistake I've made, she'll try to make sure I do by reiterating the consequences or whatever...(sorry babe, loooooove you). In this case, there was no acting necessary. As I told her the news, she didn't react the way I was expecting. She was positive, confident in me as a husband and father, knew that we would make some changes, and get passed this. As the weight of that metaphorical bike that fell on top of me earlier was lifted off my shoulders, I drove home with a clear head, knowing that my wife loves me no matter what.
I can't speak for you, but as I mentioned before, I'm a little more level-headed "it's gonna be fine" kinda dude. Amy is a little more... realistic. For example, I use a down pillow to put my kid to sleep because he loves it, Amy won't let the thing come anywhere near his upper body because he might suffocate in one fell swoop. Don't worry, I watch him--relax.
The point is that there will be times when you are tested. It may not be as big as the loss of a job, but there will be times you have challenges... again financial, emotional, physical, or relational. We had to talk ourselves into being okay with our current situation. Amy is back at work and has been for 2 months, I've been at home and will be starting a real estate career shortly. While we work out these things, I'm always honest with her about how I'm feeling, and what needs to happen... and I'm encouraging her to share how she feels, because getting these things off of her chest is important too. We don't know what the future holds, and that's okay.
Dudes, don't worry... sharing your feelings isn't a just a chick thing--well most of the time it is. But that doesn't mean you can't vent a little too. In most cases you'll be on the other side and she is going to need your encouragement and reassurance.
Go be a Dad, Dude.
Joe Gattone
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